Sometimes i try to push myself and be optimistic about things. But sometimes after thinking about it, being happy and optimistic would it actually help me in getting into optom? i dont think so. Im such a fail in everything; life, studies and relationships. I cant do anything right. Im such a disgrace to the family. What if people ask my mum and dad, "how did your daughter go for umat or hsc" How can they possibly reply. Im such a disgrace. They wont be able to look at me the same way. I was tutored more than my sister, and i at least did 4u and yet i cant get into optom. I really know i cant with this  shit umat. A really high atar wont help it at all. Im really sure of it. What kind of people want a stupid person like me? Im serious. Im such a big fail. But nevertheless i will still try for my hsc and obtain a high atar, but i know that my dreams have crashed and died. I can not get into optom.