MOTIVATION OF THE DAY :)

[PATS 2010] кнιεм♥vivo says (4:47 PM):
*yea
*caus then instead of my life and your life
*its gona be our life :$
-       ♫     vivo ♥     BKN & 林峰 ♪         says (4:48 PM):
*ngawwwwwwwwwwwww :$:$:$:$:$:$:$

DEAL with khiem

I have to study
- Moving about
- Do 2 maths past paper
- Do tutor hw for saturday
- Do bio hw

ALL BY THIS SATURDAY T__T or else I won't be able to go to USYD with him.

I HAVE TO DO THIS!! HAIIIIII YAHHH :(

40 HOUR FAMINE

AIYAHHH

- No internet
- No dramas/tv :(
- no khiem FOR 40 HOURS :'( MANSSS

this is hard for meeeee

ALL MY FAULT

OMFG.
He didnt do that bad in the test, but it was lower than he expected. So like i have a feeling it was because of me. I HATE MYSELF.
I AFFECT EVERYONE! OMGAHH
i feel so horrible atm..
I can't even study properly now.
All my fault :(
Why do i always cause troubles for others?
Why do I always cause the problems?
MANS .. stupid vivo :(

MY fingers feels like dancing

OMMGAHH i was trying to study chemistry today but instead I was falling asleep. So i decided to play piano instead. And WOA IT FEELS MUCH BETTER. My fingers are so flexible atm LOLS. iT CAN'T stop movign and when i start to write it goes super fast. WOA. I should practice piano everytime im about to go to exam so i can write super duper fast. Well thats because the piece iT HAS A fast tempo.

:)

Now lets study chemistry :) Hope i can study all the first module today :) Which is impossible

I'm glad

To be honest, I'm so happy that i have a bf like khiem :) he makes me happy every minute. Every time im sad, thinking deeply, he thinks of ways or just do silly things and I just cant help but smile and laugh at it.

I'm glad we got over the "break up" stage and hope we can make more memories together.

I love him so much :) and it will stay that way..till the end of my life.

WAY PAST my bedtime :(

[PATS 2010] кнιεм♥vivo says (10:56 PM):
*why that emoticon
*LOL
*i wana see you do that tmoro:P
*yea
*see how selfish
*and how alike we are
*you want me all to yourself
*and i want you all to myself


MANS I WANT TO GO SLEEP.. BUT THIS JUST MAKES ME SOOO HAPPY.. I JUST CANT GO SLEEP :)

RAYMOND LAM OH YERH :)

OMG I JUST realised I am able to download the blog skins thing. AND I FOUND RAYMOND LAM! OMG THATS SOO AWESOME. I had to get a simple one because I didn't know how it worked. AWESOME :) BUT noob :(
AHHAHS
I LOVE USING BLOGSPOT NOW :) I SEE MY RAYMOND LAM THERE :)

ANYWAYS SPENT 2 HRS ISH doing this. Now time to do Physics hw and then English hw :)

Confused much

I've been down lately about this relationship. I don't know but it's not that I get bored, but also because I find like I'm a fail gf. He has fun more with his other "girl"fwends but not with me. Fail much. Learning that he doesn't find to have fun, makes me sad. I don't know what to do because I am not only believing this but also losing hope and feelings of him. I don't know what to do. It's almost his trials and I admit I was about to break up, because I couldn't handle it. But as friend said, I have already involved myself in the danger zone. I can't. But there's also this feeling, how I don't want to lose him. But I guess he doesn't like me that much. Why hold on when he doesn't want to be in a serious relationship. I didn't get into a relationship for the sake of just having fun. I don't know what to do. Everyone says to hold on, but I'm scared I might lose control and repeat the same mistake. I'm scared I might let this affect my exam. I'm scared I might affect his HSC. I don't know. Can anyone tell me? :S

Keep counting xD

Its been 2 weeks and 1 day :) better than i expected :L
<3

But 4 more days till FREEDOM again :(
Tomorrow i have chem test and IM SO NOT READY :V why am i so proud? AH wells. JUST HOPE I OWN THIS, which is very unlikely of me :)

Crazy Day

I didnt want to post what was wrong with me at tumblr because i dont want my friends to know what ive been up to. No one or hardly anyone comes on here, so i decided to post here.

Anyways enough jibbering. Well, i have been having a bad day today. My parent and sister was arguing. I had family problems. Anyways my friend today was telling me off, well not exactly telling me off, but more like giving me a lesson. I have kind of betrayed him and now i feel so bad. I started crying so much because from what he had said, although he wants to be friends, we wont be that close friends anymore. I guess he wont forgive me anymore. I hate myself. I don't know why im like this? Today i started looking at tumblr for emo posts such as suicidal, hatred and etc. Well i think i made my friends worry a bit too much, so i decided to stop posting about it. I dont want anyone to know the emo me. I dont want them to see this side of me. So i decided to stop. Hopefully no one sees this blog as well. Well, im happy i have friends, and family to support me. I WOULD NEVER THINK OF SUICIDE no matter how depressed i get, no matter how emo i get and no matter what posts i put up. I feel like that, but i wouldnt do it. Suicidal are for really weak peoples. I am a strong person. I can face my problems, but sometimes i know im a weak one, and i always want my bf and fwends to be beside me.

Anyways thanx everyone for helping me. I dont want to disappoint you guys. Thankyou.

LOTS OF LOVE,
Vivo

Another day spent with BF

Ngaww today im glad i went to Cabramatta library to see him. LOLS. We couldnt study at all. Anyways, IM SOO HAPPY, I DID A 4UNIT MATHS QUESTION :p. He couldnt do it too. :p hhehe im proud of myself. :P
Anyways we walked around outside and ate. He was a pig. He ate SO MUCH. AHHASH but its cute to watch him eat. Its good he doesnt starve himself. He is mature. AHASH. Anyways hehe i brought bankep and started feeding him a lot. He ate so much today and i started poking his belly. hehehe. When we walked towards the station since i had to go home, i started poking it more. It was soo fun, then he grabbed my hand, and locked it with his. Hehehe. We were holding hands. I tried to let go, but he wouldnt. It felt so tight. I loved it. His HANDS WERE SOOOOOOOOOO SOFT. I WANNA TOUCH THEM. ITS SOOOOOOOOOOOO SOFT. OMG. Anyways, we then walked to sit down since i was tired. We sat and we started talking and eating the rest of the ban kep. He then started to bully me, and almost pushed me off but managed to hold on to me. He hugged me. He also heehe put his arm across my shoulder. I tried to make an excuse to lean my head across and it felt nice. :)

Anyways enough talkign about the day, i need to get a move on and study.

Why can't people try to understand?

I don't know what's wrong wtih people these days. I really hate this. No one understands how im trying hard for my exams and by that, it means not going out. In the holidays i tried to turn down peoples to study, but someone keeps making me say yes, but in fact i really cant, nor do i want to go. I tried saying no but then they keep saying dog etc, making me go. In the end i say maybe. But then again, they should try to understand that im trying to study and they think that one day without studying wouldnt affect, but to me it does. One day without studying makes me forget the work, waste time and get lectured by parents for not using my time properly and really i want to do well in my exams no matter what. It doesnt seem like im trying, but i am. I do feel like it is my fault for like not going with them, but i thought they could have hanged out with the bday girl who they know of. They don't need me. I just want to study. Is that bad to ask for? Do i have to ask permission to study? I said i would hang out with them perhaps at the gates. I have no other choice, its either go hang out or study. But of course everyone would rather study. I wanted to study. They didnt let me, complained to me and even in the holidays didnt really let me study.

Awesome day at cabra yesterday

Too busy doing maths I didnt post how i had a wonderful day with my bf at cabra library =D

AHAHAS anyways, well i was kinda fed up having to wait for him for like maybe 3 hours. Well i finished school at like 12 something and got to Cabra at like 1 something. Well my friend and I just walked around, eating. NOM NOM. HEHEHEHE
Anyways, she had to leave at 330 and for like an hour i wondered around waiting for him since he was late >> AHHAS ANYWAYS i forgave him because he made my day eventually :)

hmmmm what else... hehehe we had fun in the library :) However he distracted me. I realised i couldn't study with him there. I tried asking for help. He helped me with one and SHOWED me this trick on the calculator. It was so awesome =D Anyways because his mum was gonna come, i decided to leave. He shoved THE WHOLE BAN KEP INTO HIS MOUTH. Such a pig >> FATTY :) Anyways he hugged me from behind. Heheheheh i liked it :) It felt secure, safe and warm. :) i didnt want him to stop hugging me. When the train came, I JUST DIDNT WANT TO LET GO. HES SOO AWESOME :)shhh he doesnt know that. :) HE MADE MY DAY :) LOVE HIM <3

My awesome BF =D

Ahhahas ngaww, i like how he tries to cheer me up. I love him :)
He's was being SOOOO nice :L

The more he does that, the more i would fall for him. I think of him 24 hours. I dream about him. I miss him so much! i miss his hugs :( His hugs makes me feel safe, secure and warm. UGHH. IM MISSING HIM SO MUCH. :L

FAIL WHALE

Today was such a fail :( I had teh whole day to spend to study for Biology. I woke up early for tutor. I came home from tutor at 12 ish. Then i went shopping. Instead I could have studied. Then i went straight to cousins house to celebrate his bday. Another time wasted. Then went home at 640 ish. I studied and msn-ed. Then when he came home at like 9, i got distracted and studied wc-ing for like 2 hours.

So basically I studied for like only 3 hours ish. Omg. This is GAY. OMG. Such a fail today. Im meant to be studying. Then tomorrow i have to study for english and maths. Omg. I dont have time to study biology. I'm so going to fail it :(

WANG ZI :)

OMG i just realised, 1404 was WANG ZI BDAY!! :)

кнιεм says (12:01 PM):
*OMG
*see how awesome i am :P
*i specifically asked you out
*on wang zis bday
*:P


HE'S A LOSER. AHHAHAHAS he didn't even know it was his bday :P

Ngaww anyways, so far today, its good :) I was happy to see him at the door of my tutor. :) I was sooo happy to have received HIS MONKEY :) Anyways LOVE YOU :)

Am i taking it too seriously? It's not like he is. I don't know if I should take it seriously now. Its only been a few days and I've been having lots of mood swings. I don't think its right. I don't think i should. I don't think it will last forever.

I just take things serious. I always compare it with the old relationship when its only been a few days. I guess I feel like just giving up. I dont know. Is there a friend out there that can tell me what to do, or maybe change this mood swings i have?

Its because of these mood swings, these raging that the last relationship didnt work out. I don't know want it to happen again. I tell myself i shouldn't be doing it. But what's the use? I tell, but i don't follow. :(

Mission impossible??

I told one of my friend that I don't know if this HSC relationship thing would work out. I know he needs to study too but then again i miss him and that makes me so sad. I don't know if i can accomplish this "mission".

And i need this friend's support atm but hes not on. To be honest, i think this whole HSC relationship wouldnt work out too. Friend said it would work if i really liked this person. But then again, i want him to be my side all the time. I guess with the HSC in the way, i doubt it would go any far. :(

I miss him

This is a blog that Khiem is unaware of. I just hope he doesn't find it. It will feel weird if he finds about it as this blog would be dedicated about him :L

Well I feel lonely without him :(
*sigh
He's not on and seriously I miss him a lot. :(

When is he coming back?

14/4/10

My special day with Khiem :) S2

FML. I slept at 3am and woke up at 5am to do this stupid freaken english.FML.

I HATE ENGLISH SOOO MUCH. FAR OUT.

VIVO LOVES SHAZ

SHAZ. LOVE YOU!! THANX for being there for me. I know i have friends that can assist me and how you're there for me. I'm trying my really best to forget him, just at times i make the biggest mistakes of my life which is why i miss him even more. VIVO

6 DAYS LEFT

OMG. ONLY 6 DAYS NOW BEFORE I CAN TALK TO KHIEM! UGHH.

I feel bad for doing this to him. It seemed like he was unhappy. Somehow i have to get that message across him, that I've been made to not talk to him and that its not that i want to.

OH WELLS.

6 DAYS.
The countdown. HAHAS

Stupid english

Hmmm, today was an alrite day i guess. Everything was normal, okay until English. It's making me stress so much and mans I DONT WANT TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT BECAUSE OF THIS STUPID ESSAY. >> I'm so lost. I don't know what to do for it. I don't even know what to do with my fken film. Ughh one week notice is definitely irrational. Normally for assessment tasks, we get two weeks notice and yet english we have only one. Teacher said we knew it from beginning of year. Well please who the hell looks at it and its not like we had time anyways since like they give us so much stuff to do. Omg this reminds me, we have this stupid reflective essay to do as well. FML. WTF IS WRONG WITH THE ENGLISH STAFFROOM? GET A LIFE MANS. Mans i have tutor everyday and piano as well. I can't always skip tutor and because of this i had an argument with my mum. FAR OUT ENGLISH! I HATE YOU!

Damn.
Today i had no piano, i finished all my homework that was going to be due on the busy day of next week, i.e. Monday. After that i just did tutor hw and bludged afterwards. What a waste of a day. I should have used this spare time to actually do english essay. I guess I'm a lazy ass aahahs.

Oh wells. I hope tomorrow I CAN DO BETTER, MAKE USE OF THE SPARE TIME I HAVE!

Good news i guess

Hmmm its been a while since i saw him post about that girl on his blog. Is he over her? Nah, i doubt it.

Well when i saw him walking, talking with a girl, I didn't feel sad or jealous. I guess i really am over him now. Normally, i would feel ten times hurt, sad and jealous. But now it feels like i dont really care at all. I don't feel sad, or even jealous. I'm not really sure, but I believe I am over him. I guess this is good news since I am able to actually crush on another and so on. But i guess one thing have not changed and that is, I still care for him. On the train, I took a look at him and I didn't see him smile, or even look happy. A mask? I don't think so and he looked lonely too. I wanted to talk to him, but I'm not sure if he wanted to. Well i guess he probably doesn't since he rather watch paint dry than talk to me.

When I told Connie this, she was really happy for me. I guess I really need to be strong and do it for my friends. I don't want them to worry over me anymore and be happy for me when I find another.

Watching Moonlight resonance. :)
Well after watching it, i learnt many stuff along the way. Most of these were about life, love and work. What is right and wrong. What is the best and what isnt the best. To be persistent and many more.

hmm its a good show to learn a lot of stuff on life, love and work.

Woa i havent posted here for a while. Well instead of posting on the second tumblr blog, I might as well blog here. *sigh
I have lots of stuff to say and it's all on the other blog. Well i might as well summarise it. Hmm it's mainly about him and that girl. *sigh
I don't know what to do anymore. Okies. I decided to like another person, well A is CUTE AND SMART AND OMG I LOVE HIS SMILE. *sigh but once i read the blog of that guy where he posts about how much he stalks that girl he does not even know of really, just makes me go into my depressed mood again. I tell myself to just stop thinking about it, but i just can't. I don't know anymore. What should i do?

AHAHSH online.. but not talking to me :(

Is waiting for you.

Saying goodbye with conscience ~

Who can expect the feelings of love can be so fluctuating
These rules cannot be broken just by making promises
There are tears, and also happiness
Love and sin can offset each other

Have not completely loved you yet but have already seen the end
Don’t substitute the beauty with ugliness
If it is difficult to heal the wounds with love
Saying goodbye without any regret in the bottom of the heart

Separation is like setting both (of us) free
Being in love forcefully is worse than being alone
It is difficult to decide whether to let go of the warm memories
Afraid that the conscience cannot choose

Too little happiness, too many heartbreaks
There is no need to enjoy the pain
Too little sharing, too many arguments
Why do (we) have to love like torture
Life is too short, too many sacrifices
Would rather bear the short pain, don’t endure any longer
Letting go more, would gain more
Don’t call it a beautiful journey, like being happy for the wrong thing
The reason for being in love, was for the happiness and laughter.



OMG THIS IS SOOO TRUE. I UNDERSTAND AND I WON'T BE THAT FOOLISH GIRL ANYMORE. =D

After Tomorrow ~

V: Love will always torture
F: So we chose to
F&V: Be friends who are better than lovers

That part of the lyrics translation is true.
Well love isnt really pain but being friends is forever, but being lovers wouldnt stay that long.

Let's Get Wet translation ~

This world is too dry; just waiting for a wave
Then passion will burst past the defenses; Sleeking in all directions
A look in your direction; the centre of the palm perspires
Tears are condensed on the face; waiting for its release
The pulse increases by a few more beats

[Chorus]
The body’s energetic flow; stays faithful to its original nature
Ultimately covers the Earth; revealing all
Over the cheeks the water cascades continuously; the back is soaking wet
Heart and soul flows confluently with yours; spiritual desires tightly bounded

It’s said that love and perspiration; are both surreptitious (stealthy)
Blending together; calmly waiting to be provoked
Each time I see you; the energy buried within my entire body
Turns into tears and perspiration; suffusing over a thousand miles

*Repeat [Chorus]

An unstoppable violent flow; given to this dehydrated Earth
Gushing out precious petroleum; igniting all brightly
An accomplice can be found; with arrogance if wanted
Earlier the forehead was moistened; who’s willing to pursue (investigate)

Perspiration flows from the back of your hand
Drips down my neck and shoulder
All the way into (the centre of) my heart.



Some parts are what i feel everytime i see him.

Mirror Mirror

I wish all that happened was just a dream. Can i wake up now?

If only wishes could be dreams
And all my dreams could come true
There would be two of us standing here in front of you
If you could show me that someone that I used to be
Bring back my baby, my baby to me

Confusion

After looking back at my convos with him, it makes me realise that im not completely over him. I don't really know who i like anymore now. I don't know whats going inside my head.

I'm just confused about who i like now and i wish someone can help me and guide me along. I'm really lost.

Black Vivo :(

OMG i went to two beach outings in a row and i got BLACK AND DARKER :(
First beach outing was with primary school friends. It was fun especially in the water. I couldnt swim and everyone tried to drag me out. Vincent dragged me and i had to hold on to him since he dragged me out tooo far where i couldnt touch the ground. -.- OMG. HE MADE ME DRINK SO MUCH SALT WATER:( My throat was in pain that time. HAHA and sorry Vincent for kicking you since I WAS soo helpless i couldnt hold on to anything but you. ROFL. SO SORRY. AHAHAS. It was even fun when Allan dug a hole in the sand and we buried vincent in it. ROFL. You could see only his head popping up. So funny. He couldn't even get out. ROFL.
Overall, the outing was great. First time eating Gellato. YUMMY. AND hmph, Luke etc LEFT us. Tsk tsk

Second beach outing was with family. It was fun chasing after the ball and helplessly getting pushed back because of the strong waves. I was soooo scared but i managed to survive :)
FUN OUTING WITH FAMILY AGAIN.

Still feels like 2009

*sigh
It's already the seventh day of 2010 but it stills feels like 2009. 2009 was an awesome year where i got closer to some of my friends i.e Connie, Kim, Carol, Joanna, Sophie etc. I got to know a lot more about them and share things around with them. They are an awesome group. And yes kim, im talking about how awesome you are *cough *cough. ROFL

Well i guess there are some things i cant let go of at the moment. But i wished i did. I wanted to forget all the painful things i went through during the last few weeks of the year but it seems really hard. I got it through during this week when watching a lot of TVB dramas. I kind of forgot about him and everything we've been through. But i guess the thing i want really now is for our friendship to remain and for him to be happy and not trying to be happy but actually being happy around me at least. Liking someone wants the other person to feel happy and all this time i've brought him pain and sorrow. I guess watching these TVB dramas made me understand what i really wanted and what to do now.

TVB DRAMAS ARE JUST SO AWESOME. Love watching Armed reaction the seasons. Old but great. :)

AWESOME DAY OUT

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! Wish everyone find their happiness and yerh ROFL

Anyways had a outing with primary friends today. IT WAS FUN BUT TIRING!!!!!!
Lawrence took us to the restaurants and ALL of theme were close except Pepper Lunch. ROFL
He made us walk in circles and circles. SO TIRING. We couldnt even find Big echo. LOLS We walked up and down looking for it and went Norita instead ROFL

We didnt know what to order and played jenga instead. It was hectic. Fiona lost and then jacky lost. He failed soo many times ROFL. Next Fiona, Eugene and I played the monkey thing and guess who. It was fun ROFL. Jacky looked interested but Lawrence was like not to touch because they will have to pay. ROFL. SO funny how they paid for it still eventually. LOLS

It was HECTIC at K. We didn't know what to sing and Lawrence kept skipping songs ROFL. THey were dissing the Chinese songs. THey were awesome. Well some of them were.

NOTE: LAWRENCE SINGING WAS HORRIBLE. NO OFFENCE. HORRIBLE. HE WAS SCREAMING IN THE MIC. HORRIBLE. ROFL
I felt so sorry for those in rooms 10 and 11 they had to hear his screaming. omg Jacky tried singing wedding dress by taeyang. PRO!!

Anyways it was a tiring and awesome day with Eugene, Fiona, Lawrence and Jacky. AWESOME PRIMARY FRIENDS. This time i hope the others would go, especially VINCENT, ANNIE, ELLIE ETC.