Shoot me now

I really dont know why, but im getting this feeling called jealousy again. Like okay i believe what he had said, but like i just dont know but im still thinking like he doesnt seem to have as much fun with me as with other girls. I dont know but i just feel so lonely and like hmmm i dnt know. I prob cant say it here because his friend knows this blog and like if he sees it he will probably tell him.

But mans my life is in a mess now and whats worse is my fucken lil sister is being the biggest bitch. I just told her not to scream because like its freaken loud as AND THEN she goes pissed and mumbling to herself and then FUCKEN HELL BUT SHE HAS ATTITUDE PROBLEMS. >.> like really she expects me to help her and buy her food but i only expect from her TO SHUT THE FUCK UP. Yerh and then that fucken big sister tells me to shut up. DUDE im trying to work here and YOU GUYS ARE FKEN SCREAMING. OF COURSE I HAVE TO TELL YOU GUYS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP. Seriously both my sisters are mentally retarded. Bigger sister is meant to teach the fken little one the right thing and she tells me to shut up. Im trying to study and do work. This is freaken weird.

And now my love life is getting to settle down a bit. But i still feel guilty okay. I admit i still do. He treats me soo well and this is what i give him in return. And with the other guy im just SO INSECURE. Like at the moment im thinking hmm hes probably not studying and probably having fun with other girls. Like i dont know but im very insecure around him.

And okay now its trials coming up. I didnt use this holidays well enough. Im currently failing maths because i just cant do it for some reason. English im basically screwed i havent started my speech. Physics im screwed even though i have done past papers its just some parts need memory work and i dont have that fken good memory. Chemistry is worse, so much memory work. JUST SHOOT ME. I am going to fail the trials. Oh great. First week of holidays were alright i kind of used it well. But when it came to the second week i just though of him him him him. He was everywhere. I couldnt study and when i tried going library i just couldnt study because of him and friends. I dont really work well in a group. I work better alone. FOREVER ALONE. :)

Anyways enough ranting, i must continue the physics past paper and then chemistry past paper then 4u maths hw and then read over notes for physics and chemistry. Great i will never be able to this in one day. My goals are all unrealistic